Posted on 6/28/125 by Colin Vassallo
CM Punk decided to respond to John Cena’s pipe bomb from
last week by taking a page out of the old John Cena: using
basic thuganomics, or as he put it, basic Punkanomics.
Punk came out to the ring with John Cena’s old rap theme
song, wearing jorts, a baseball shirt, a baseball cap
sideways, and large chain around his neck, and knux that
read “Drug Free.”
CM Punk then dropped his promo, all rhyming:
Yo, check it! This is Basic Punkanomics.
Don’t adjust your television set, your eyes are working just
right. This clown plagiarised my pipebomb so now I’m
stealing Word Life.
You had to rip me off to cut your best promo, just to
distract from the fact that we all see you move in slo-mo.
Remember when he used to rap? You deserve all the criticism,
you’re like a Temu Macklemore with Mackle-less rhythm.
He said I’m a problem, he called me a player hater, let’s be
honest, John Cena’s buried more talent than the Undertaker.
That’s why he’s the champ and went and lost all his
respects, but John I get it, I’d retire too if this place
rehired my ex.
If you never said your prayers, ate your vitamins or fixed
your bald spot, you wouldn’t be a pro wrestler, you’d be a
Boston Mall Cop.
But hey, he gets good movie roles that much is a fact, and
then you see Batista act and you realize John ain’t that.
Same shirt, same hat, man your persona stayed tragic. You’re
like a fish bellied white Hulk Hogan but somehow more
problematic.
Yo, when it comes to Best in the World, I’m your vessel,
because millions chant my name and at you they chant ‘you
can’t wrestle’.
Get it in while you can in six months he’ll be gone, I’ll
still be here having fun, he won’t have time for you little
people anymore, he’ll be busy washing underwear for James
Gunn.
He’s a superhero now, he works for DC, but no matter how
hard you try, you’ll always be the Marine to me. And that’s
straight to DVD, better find a PS3, I now understand ‘you
can’t see me’.
It’s a hell of a catchphrase John, but now it’s done,
because we all see you and we’re looking at a washed up bum.
14 years ago today, I dropped the legendary pipebomb, and
you tried to make it all about you because that’s what you
do John, you’re a leech, you’re a phony, you’re a fraud,
you’re an ass kiss. 17 time champion but you ain’t ever been
on my class.
Before you go John, there’s one more wish to make, tomorrow
night you’re gonna lose to Kendrick because bitch, you’re my
Drake!