Posted on 3/24/126 by Bob Magee
Show Recap —
Judgment Day, Bayley and Lyra Valkyria, The Usos, and Je’Von
Evans (greeted by IShowSpeed) were shown arriving at TD
Garden in Boston.
There was a very dramatic recap of Oba Femi laying out Brock
Lesnar.
Brock Lesnar opens Monday Night Raw
Lesnar entered with Paul Heyman. (Lesnar wore a new “FAF5”
shirt, a reference to Heyman’s promo last week. Heyman was
well dressed and is no longer dishevelled.)
Lesnar was greeted with chants of “Oba.” Heyman ran down his
resume, which just received more chants for Oba. Heyman said
the fans were pissing off Lesnar. If we were being honest
about last week, Lesnar beat up 20 masked men, got
distracted by Seth Rollins, and only then did the overhyped
Femi take advantage.
Heyman said we’ve heard this narrative many times. This new
opponent of Lesnar would be the next big thing, the
conqueror’s conqueror, etc. Lesnar conquered Undertaker’s
streak, but Undertaker never got revenge. (Except that
Undertaker did beat Lesnar that following SummerSlam.)
There was a line of guys who were supposed to beat the ‘one’
in ‘21-and-one’ after that: Goldberg, Braun Strowman, Dean
Ambrose (whose name got a pop), Bobby Lashley, AJ Styles,
and John Cena. None of them could do it. And Oba Femi
wouldn’t either. Femi already had his moment when he put his
foot on Lesnar and pointed at the sign. That would be the
biggest moment of Femi’s career, because he would be
victimized and conquered by Lesnar at WrestleMania.
The lights dimmed, and Femi entered. Heyman bailed before
Femi faced off with Lesnar in the ring. Lesnar kicked Femi
in the gut and went for an F5, but Femi slipped out and
clotheslined Lesnar over the top and to the outside. Lesnar
looked stunned, and the crowd chanted for Oba again.
Lesnar backed away as Femi stared him down. Lesnar yelled,
“You ain’t that lucky, boy!” and he smiled as he backed up
the aisle.
(This was a perfectly good follow-up to last week.)
********
Dominik Mysterio cut a pre-taped promo on his IC title match
tonight.
There were clips of Logan Paul at the recent flag football
event. He “sacked” Jalen Hurts and got into it with Tom
Brady.
World Tag Team Championship match: Jimmy & Jey Uso vs. Logan
Paul & Austin Theory
The opening match started at 8:25 pm, and they still went to
a break less than 90 seconds into it. And nothing had even
happened since the last break besides the Vision entering
the ring.
They returned from break, and Michael Cole gave a quick
mention of the recently passed Dennis Condrey. Then Jey Uso
made a hot tag.
The top turnbuckle came off during Jey’s comeback. Theory
cut him off for a moment, but Jey came right back with a
spear. Jey went to the top, but Paul crotched him on the
exposed buckle. Jimmy went after Paul, but Paul chucked him
into the ring post.
Paul grabbed the brass knuckles, but LA Knight’s music hit.
Knight attacked Paul from behind and shoved him into the
ring steps. Knight slid the knux into the ring, and Jey used
them to knock out Theory. The referee saw that part, so he
called for a DQ.
— After the Vision were announced as the winners by DQ, Jey
popped back into the ring and punched Paul with the knux,
too.
Match result: Logan Paul & Austin Theory defeated Jimmy &
Jey Uso via disqualification — The Usos retain the tag team
titles (7:26)
So, 40 minutes into the show, we’ve got one match that went
7 minutes and ended in a DQ, and half of it happened during
commercials.
********
El Grande Americano, Bravo and Rayo were interviewed by
Byron Saxton during commercials. El Grande wants to take
Original’s mask.
Becky Lynch and AJ Lee segment
Lynch entered. She questioned the fans booing her while they
cheered AJ Lee, who abandoned them for a decade. She
understood taking breaks. She took 10 months off, but not 10
years. She took time off because the fans got tired of
seeing her succeed. She went home to her family, to people
who appreciate her. Her daughter and the love of her life.
When she came back, she didn’t go after the world title. She
instead went after the Intercontinental title and turned it
into the most important and most interesting women’s title
in all of wrestling. She was damn proud of that title and
what it represented. (Maxxine Dupri was recently the
champion.)
Now, AJ Lee pranced around like she deserved the title.
Lynch tried to go home and take a break with the people she
loved, but when she went home, her daughter—her greatest
accomplishment—was singing Lee’s stupid “Light It Up” song,
skipping around the house and flipping her hair like that
Jersey scum. It’s almost like her daughter didn’t realize
her mom was the greatest women’s wrestler of all time.
Meanwhile, Lee’s greatest claim to fame was that she
mastered the Diva’s era. “Well, I murdered the Diva’s era.”
She put a stake through its heart and ripped the wings off
the butterfly belt.
Lee entered to her music, but Lynch bailed into the crowd.
Lee said Lynch liked to fight dirty because Lee walked her
like a dog every time they entered the ring together. Lee
figured Lynch wanted to get embarrassed again. She was ok
with that because maybe that would finally get Lynch out of
her life. Maybe she would make Lynch tap out on the biggest
stage of them all.
Lee wanted to show why she was the best wrestler of her
generation, Lynch’s generation, and maybe next. She was your
favourite wrestler’s favourite wrestler—and Lynch’s
daughter’s favourite wrestler. Lee gave Lynch an IC title
match at WrestleMania.
Lynch said Lee fell right into her trap. WrestleMania was
her domain. Lynch recalled the last time Lee competed at
WrestleMania. Eleven years ago, Lee walked into the office
the next day and handed in her resignation. Lynch would save
her the trouble this time by ending her at WrestleMania.
(Lynch was better than she’s been in a while here, and I
liked her line about killing the Diva’s division. Lee’s
delivery was fine, but her dialogue does not align with
reality.)
*******
Backstage, Jimmy thanked Knight for the help earlier. Knight
told Jey he could’ve tried to hide the knux. Jey wasn’t
about to hide because everyone had to get got. Knight
understood how he felt, but he was starting to sound like
Roman Reigns. Jey was tired of hearing this, so he left.
Jimmy politely warned Knight to watch his mouth when he
spoke about their family.
(This interaction happened in front of a production truck
with a big picture of The Rock on it.)
********
Derrick White and Joe Mazzulla of the Boston Celtics
received a big ovation from the crowd.
Je’Von Evans vs. Grayson Waller (w/ Kofi Kingston)
This also went to break about 90 seconds in. Waller used to
wrestle in boxing shorts, but he’s traded those in for long
tights. Waller tried enlisting Kingston’s help early in the
match, but Kingston declined.
Evans was in complete control outside of Waller briefly
taking control during a break. Waller had some offence after
the break, but Evans came back with a German suplex out of
the ropes and a leaping knee strike. Waller knocked him off
the top and hit some sort of Unprettier variation.
Waller went to the top, so Evans scaled the ropes, leaped up
off the top rope and brought Waller down with an impressive
super hurricanrana. Evans followed with an OG Cutter for the
pinfall win. (Kingston seemed amused by the result.)
— After the match, Kingston told Waller he didn’t get
involved because he’d rather Waller try to win than get
DQ’d.
Match result: Je’Von Evans defeated Grayson Waller (8:56)
This was a good showcase for Evans, and Waller provided a
good base.
********
Heyman approached Adam Pearce backstage. Heyman wanted him
to schedule a match at Madison Square Garden next week for
the tag titles, with the Usos defending against the Vision
in a street fight. Pearce said he liked the idea and he’d
think about it. Heyman was about to flip his wig because
Pearce didn’t immediately agree, but he calmed down,
realizing it was not a good idea to upset Pearce.
Heyman was about to leave, but Pearce told Heyman to go to
the ring. Heyman didn’t know why, so Pearce reminded him
that he wanted to address Seth Rollins. Heyman didn’t want
to anymore, but Pearce told him he had to do it and do it
now. After Heyman left, Pearce said he won’t miss Heyman
when he’s gone.
********
Original El Grande spoke to Saxton during a break. He said
there was only room for one Americano in this town. (It’s
beyond time to get Chad Gable out of this gimmick.)
They announced Dennis Rodman for the WWE Hall of Fame.
Paul Heyman and Seth Rollins segment
Heyman entered the ring again, this time on his own. He was
having a bad night. Not just because he had to appear in
Boston, but because there was no one left for him to hide
behind. Bronson Reed and Bron Breakker would not be back any
time soon. Lesnar had already left. Paul and Theory were
half-conscious. Heyman was alone.
Heyman had a stalker. A psychopath who calls himself a
visionary. Despite the character Heyman portrayed on TV, he
said, “I’m a man. A man who’s been pushed too far.”
Heyman knew Rollins felt the same way, which meant WWE
wasn’t big enough for the two of them. That wasn’t a
challenge for a match, because he obviously didn’t stand a
chance, but he wondered what choice he had left. Heyman
invited Rollins to the ring to finally put him out of his
misery.
A masked man entered through the crowd and hopped on the
announce table. The masked man revealed himself to be
Rollins, of course. Four police officers confronted Rollins
as Heyman smiled. Rollins smiled too, realizing this was
Heyman’s doing.
Heyman announced he had a restraining order placed on
Rollins, and Rollins was in violation. (If that were true,
Rollins would have been made aware of the order and not been
caught off guard.)
As police escorted Rollins away through the crowd, Heyman
said Rollins would be fired and go to jail. His wife would
leave him and marry half of the locker room. Someone would
call Child Protective Services, and Heyman would adopt his
daughter.
Rollins ran away from the police, sprinted to the ring and
decked Heyman with a single punch. Police ran in and
handcuffed Rollins. Pearce joined the police as they marched
Rollins to the back. Heyman looked on with his evil grin.
********
Cole announced a crowd of 13,340.
Asuka & Kairi Sane vs. Bayley & Lyra Valkyria
This also went to break just after 90 seconds had elapsed.
The babyfaces (Bayley and Valkyria) made their comeback
after a break. Valkyria hit Asuka with a fisherman’s suplex
before Bayley hit a flying elbow drop for two. Bayley was
frustrated and tagged out, but Asuka first planted Bayley
with a German suplex. Asuka and Sane double-teamed Valkyria
before Sane hit a double foot stomp off the top, but Bayley
broke up the cover.
Bayley suplexed Asuka onto the announce table and went for a
flying elbow drop off the barricade, but Sane pulled Asuka
to safety, and Bayley crashed onto the table. Valkyria
dropkicked Sane, who knocked over Asuka in the process.
Valkyria then hit Sane with Nightwing for the pinfall win.
— Jackie Redmond interviewed the winners in the ring. Bayley
said they were feeling pretty damn good after beating one of
the best teams in the world. Valkyria said Nia Jax and Lash
Legends knew that they could beat them. Bayley challenged
the champions to a tag title match next week at MSG. (The
fans booed when she called it the world’s most famous
arena.)
Match result: Lyra Valkyria defeated Kairi Sane & Asuka
(8:58)
There were some good spots, but this match was just ok, and
the crowd didn’t really care. The basic story was Valkyria
pulling out the victory despite Bayley’s efforts coming up
short. Bayley didn’t explicitly mess anything up, but
Valkyria was the one who earned the win.
********
IShowSpeed met with Penta and Dragon Lee. He was a fan of
Penta and wanted Penta to show him how to do his little
strut. After Speed left, Penta told Dragon Lee he could have
a rematch whenever he was ready. They shook hands.
Saxton interviewed Evans during a break and asked why he
hadn’t accepted Kingston’s offer. Evans respected Kingston
but wasn’t interested in being the next Kofi Kingston. He
wanted to be the real OG and the first Je’Von Evans. He had
dreams and goals of his own. He wanted to be a champion and
had his eyes on tonight’s IC title match.
IShowSpeed met with Pearce backstage. He was excited to see
CM Punk, Roman Reigns, and Brock Lesnar. Danhausen showed
up. (He put his ear out so he could hear the crowd
cheering.) Danhausen was impressed with IShowSpeed’s social
media follower count. Danhausen wanted a piece, but Speed
said no. Danhausen cursed him and vanished. Speed was
concerned.
Cody Rhodes’ first interview since being attacked by Randy
Orton will happen… this Wednesday on Pat McAfee’s show.
********
An emotional Asuka told Sane that they had lost because of
her and that if she cared about their team, she would make
it up to her. Asuka left, and Iyo Sky (who got a nice pop)
approached Sane. Sky told Sane she deserved better. Asuka
called Sane away.
Raquel Rodriguez confronted Sky. Rodriguez wasn’t happy
about Sky getting involved in her match last week. Sky said
she’d do it again. Rodriguez challenged her to a match, and
Sky accepted (for next week).
********
Dom and Liv Morgan entered for his match, but Stephanie
Vaquer attacked Morgan from behind. Officials pulled Vaquer
away, so Morgan took advantage and attacked Vaquer, tossing
her into the stage. The fight spilled to the back, and they
brawled in Gorilla as officials tried to break it up.
Intercontinental Championship match: Penta (c) vs. Dominik
Mysterio (w/ JD McDonagh)
They were about to do the usual title match in-ring
introductions with Alicia Taylor, but Dom attacked Penta as
she got started. The ref checked with Penta before starting
the match. Dom’s idea didn’t work because Penta immediately
cut him off and went on offence.
Dom came back with a dropkick and hit a suicide dive into a
DDT (sort of) as they went to break 75 seconds into this
title match. Penta mounted his comeback after the break and
hit a flip dive, and he hit a Penta Driver moments later for
two. He set up for a Destroyer, but Dom hit a Michinoku
Driver for two. Dom set up for a 619, but Penta hit a
superkick. Penta distracted himself by going after McDonagh,
so Dom dropkicked him and hit a 619.
Dom went to the top, but Finn Bálor’s music hit. McDonagh
ran after Bálor, but Bálor launched him into the stage and
over some equipment. Dom took too long to go for the frog
splash, so when he did, Penta countered into a small package
for the pinfall win.
— Bálor attacked Dom and hammered away at him. McDonagh
pulled Dom to safety, so Bálor wiped them both out with a
dive. Bálor went after Dom again, but McDonagh saved him
again.
Dom was able to escape through the crowd while Bálor laid
out McDonagh with a dropkick and Coup de Grace as Dom
watched from the stands. Bálor stared him down as his music
played. (Bálor could’ve just gone after him again now that
JD was laid out, but Dom was out of the ring, so you’re not
allowed to.)
Match result: Penta defeated Dominik Mysterio to retain the
Intercontinental Championship (7:45)
This wasn’t much of a match, and the finish wasn’t great
either. I suppose I don’t blame them too much, given the
lack of time and the finish. These two have also wrestled
each other way too much since Penta’s debut, so hopefully,
this will be it for a while.
********
There was a tale of the tape for Femi and Lesnar, and Femi’s
height was listed as 6’4”. (Femi is both taller and heavier
than Lesnar.)
Next week on Raw at Madison Square Garden in New York:
Brock Lesnar appears
Nia Jax & Lash Legend (c) vs. Lyra Valkyria & Bayley for the
tag titles
Raquel Rodriguez vs. IYO SKY
The Usos (c) vs. The Vision for the tag titles in a street
fight
********
Punk made his way through Gorilla, but was met first by
Jimmy Uso. Jimmy warned Punk that his brother was on a
warpath.
CM Punk and Roman Reigns main event segment
Punk entered first. He mentioned Jimmy’s words of warning,
but he wasn’t about to watch his words. It also showed, once
again, that Roman Reigns couldn’t do anything without his
cousins.
What he didn’t know was that his cousins couldn’t do
anything without Reigns. Nobody in that entire family could
do anything by themselves. Nobody in that family could be
the heavyweight champion. He had them all shook. Reigns gave
the entire family permission to go after him, but none of
them had.
This was the shit-talk business. They said awful things to
each other to sell the big fight. That was his job. But
these were just words, and he was tired of talking. Reigns
did say one thing last week that pissed him off. (Fans
yelled, “Old.”)
Punk said Reigns called him old. It’s not what he said, but
who said it. “My young boy does not get to disrespect me and
call me old.” He asked the Boston fans if he was old. They
actually cheered, and some chanted, “Yes.”
Punk said if he told them he wasn’t old, he’d be a liar. He
was old. He was proud of it. If he were ashamed of it, he
would be covering up his grey whiskers with Just For Men,
just like Reigns did.
He was middle-aged and crazy like Terry Funk. He’s the same
age as Nolan Ryan was when he beat up Robin Ventura. Gordie
Howe played pro hockey until he was 52, and they called him
Mr. Hockey. Punk was Mr. Game Seven. The older he got, the
more pressure he felt, and the more pressure he felt, the
better he was. Age was just a number.
He was old but not insecure. He would never ask the fans to
acknowledge him. Reigns has underestimated him. He dropped
Reigns with one punch last week. This old man would tie him
up in knots at WrestleMania.
Twenty minutes into their match, when Reigns was grasping
for air and all the oil and “jizz” he covered himself in
dried up, Punk would hit him with a GTS and put him to
sleep. Reigns would wake up and realize Punk was the best in
the world, and he just got beat by an old man. Gunther
didn’t underestimate him and still couldn’t get the job
done. The same could be said about Jey Uso.
Jey entered. Jey told Punk he was old and had been hit in
the head too many times because he was still running his
mouth about their family—and about him. Jey threatened to
fight him right now. Punk said Jey never did get his title
rematch, so he offered a world title match right now. (The
fans didn’t react because they knew that was not happening
now.)
Jimmy entered. He told Jey that he didn’t think when he got
emotional. He only saw red, and that’s why they got
disqualified earlier. They had to focus on their title match
next week. Jey said he didn’t care about that right now.
Jimmy told him to let Reigns handle it. Jey was pissed about
Punk talking shit and wondered why Reigns wasn’t out there.
Reigns entered. Reigns stared at Punk before turning his
attention to the Usos. He said they already had their tag
match and told them, respectfully, to get out of his ring.
Punk advised them to stay because Reigns would need their
help.
Jey shoved Jimmy aside and went after Punk, but Punk dropped
him with the microphone. Jimmy and Punk got tangled up
before Reigns dropped Punk with a Superman punch.
Officials ran down to settle things down, and the Usos left
the ring. Reigns was about to leave, too, but Jey told “Joe”
that he knew what he needed to do. Jey told Reigns to get
Punk. After hearing Jey’s words, Reigns turned back toward
the ring and speared Punk.
Reigns didn’t stop there. He drove Punk twice into the ring
post and powerbombed him through the announce table. Reigns
grabbed Punk by the sweater and screamed in his face as
Pearce yelled at him to stop.
Reigns walked toward the back. As Punk was still down, he
looked up, laughed, and told the officials, “I don’t need
any help. I’m not the one that needs help.”