Posted on 5/14/122 by Colin Vassallo

Arena: UBS Arena
City: Long Island, NY

Before we get started, Dynamite was five stars simply based
on Anna Jay’s outfit: good God those boots. Also, yeah,
Cole vs Dax was fantastic. They genuinely made me question
who’d win, and honestly, that’s all I ask from a wrestling
match. Plus, MJF/Wardlow; the BCC vs JAS; the likely tag
team triple threat. Good stuff coming.

And now…

It’s Saturday morning, and you know what that means… it’s
time for our Rampage Review!

Death Triangle vs Butcher, Blade, Marc Quen

Backstory: None

Straight to the ring, Penta and Blade kicked things off,
Blade on the receiving end of not one, but two ‘zero
miedo’s’ before a brief exchange saw a stiff kick from Penta
and a tag to Pac. The Bastard held the legs open as Penta
delivered a diving footstomp from the top to, well, Blade’s

Well on top, Pac was distracted and attacked on the outside
by the Butcher, dropped back-first – very safely tbf, across
the apron. Whereupon, Jericho named Butcher and Blade his
Sports Entertainers of the week for improving both their
physiques and ring skills (the latter doesn’t scream ‘Sports
Entertainer’ but what do I know?).

Fighting back, the Bastard struck with a shotgun dropkick
from the top, kipping up, leading to tags to Quen and Fenix
respectively. A very athletic exchange followed, Quen
getting the better of it with kicks, flips and headscissors,
very little of which looked like it was designed to hurt an
opponent in a wrestling match. There’s no oomph to what
Quen does.

Flung to the ropes, Fenix was sent to the outside by the
Butcher as he attempted his to swing back through into the
ring, which is when the break came.

Quick note, there was no Starks on commentary this week.

Coming back, the heels were controlling Fenix, cutting-off
the ring. A combination side-slam/legdrop from B&B led to a
sloppy 450 from Quen which got the first two-count, the
Private Partier then taking aim at the other two with a
smooth-looking springboard dive to the outside. Alone in
the ring, things didn’t look good for Fenix: A Butcher
lariat saw another two.

Kyle O’Reilly was shown in the crowd taking notes ahead of
his clash with Rey next week, just as Fenix fought back with
a spinning kick to the head after his patented swing back
between the top and middle ropes.

Tagging his brother, Penta struck with a top-rope cross
body, a slingblade, thrust kicks and a flipping DDT, before
tagging in Pac who arrived with kicks and a brutal German to
Quen. Showing the youngster how to do it, a Black Arrow
followed the fear factor for the victory, as the Lucha Bro’s
took out B&B with stereo dives.

Then it went it dark. House of Black briefly appeared in
the ring before the lights went out again and they

This was fine. Dead crowd though.

WINNER: Death Triangle

Shawn Spears vs Bear Boulder

Backstory: Spears will face Wardlow soon in a cage

Nice of Shawn to dress in all-white on Wednesday. You know,
like his role model ‘J-E-double-F’. Nothing Spears does is
bad; none of it is interesting.

Even after being part of that segment before a red-hot
crowd, Long Island could not have cared less about Spears
here, his attempt to warrant a ‘TEN!’ from the crowd not
even drawing a ‘t’.

After a brief display of strength from Bear, Spears showed
his, taking the big fella onto his shoulders for the C4,
which brought victory for Spears. Customary chairshots

At least we can now retire the term pointless. It climaxed

WINNER: Spears

With Lexi, Smart Mark Sterling – decked out in a neck brace
and etc. – said he and Tony Nese’s match with Hookhausen
wasn’t happening, he’s ‘not a wrestler.’ Nese said he could
beat them by himself, telling his manager to put $10,000 on
it when they got to Vegas.

Ruby Soho vs Riho, OH QF

Backstory: Winner will face Red Velvet or Statlander in

Not a fan of Ruby’s entrance, Riho put her fingers in her
ears and shook her head. Cute.

Starting slowly, Soho worked the arm before a shoulder block
sent Riho to the mat. Matrix-ing up out of a pin attempt, a
magistral brought a quick one count for the import. A
couple of counters later, Riho struck with a flying
headscissors and a double foot stomp.

Attacking Ruby in the corner, Soho caught Riho between her
legs, sending her face-first into the buckle for two.
Heading to the top, Ruby missed with a double foot stomp,
selling her knee afterwards.

Back to her feet, Riho blocked No Future, countering into a
single-leg crab into a bridge which saw Soho get the ropes
as the ads arrived.

Still on top when we returned, Riho hit a running knee in
the corner and a northern lights for another two. After
exchanging strikes atop the turnbuckle, Ruby rolled through
a diving cross-body but Riho kicked out at dos. Attempting
a Bladerunner, Soho saw it countered into a crucifix bomb
for another near fall as Riho kicked the mat in frustration.

Fighting back, Ruby grabbed two near-pins with a vicious
backdrop-driver and a kick to the face, then finally ending
things with the Bladerunner.

After having the best AEW women’s match in ages last week,
not to mention drawing a crowd reaction dwarfing your
average performance from the ladies, it’s a shame to lose
Riho so early. When the crowd did make a peep during this
one, it was for the import. Pretty good action.

Ruby helped Riho to her feet as we left the ring.


To hear from the Gunn Club and the Acclaimed. Leading the
meeting, Billy said they could be one of the greatest
factions but needed a coupla things: hand gestures – ‘ooh,
ooh, father’, interrupted Austin, who essentially wanted to
do a crotch chop. Settling on the Acclaimed’s ‘scissors’
thing, they moved onto the catchphrase.

Again the overeager kid in class, Austin was cut off again
at ‘we got 2 words for ya’, Billy being more of a fan of
Castor’s ‘yo, listen…’. Better yet, Billy had used his pull
to get them a match: ‘on Dynamite?’, ‘Rampage?’, ‘Double or
Nothing?’ Nope, ‘Elevation!’. Castor spit his water all
over Billy in excitement as the five celebrated wildly and

These guys might be too much fun. The right amount of

The Baddies were with Tony (must be the earring) in the
ring. Jade got about the best reaction so far. Velvet’s
outfit did its best to elbow Anna Jay aside. Shida is
injured, out of the tournament, Sterling believed Velvet
should advance by default. Schiavone announced that
instead, she’d face her old friend Kris Statlander.

On Dynamite: ‘Wildcard Wednesday’

Jericho/Regal face to face
O’Reilly vs Fenix, OH
Britt vs Joker, OH
Joe vs Joker, OH
Hangman vs Takeshita (yes, please) w Punk on comms
Wardlow’s 10 lashes
Cole vs Jeff Hardy, OH Semifinal
On Rampage:

Velvet vs Statlander, OH QF
Frankie Kazarian vs Scorpio Sky, TNT Title

Backstory: Kaz had earned a title shot against Sammy, Sky
promised Kaz first shot at the title if he let him take his
place, now the former partners face-off after Sammy told Kaz
he should no longer trust Scorpio

In the pre-match interview, Sky became increasingly annoyed
with Page and Lambert, who questioned why he’d given Kaz the
match. ‘Why don’t you two take the night off?’

Gue-onti were shown in the crowd as Kaz made his entrance.
AAA belts over their shoulders.

Loud ‘SCU’ chants played as we started, both guys slapping
hands before grappling to a stalemate. After exchanging arm
wrenches, Kaz – who looks anything but his age – got a quick
two with a takedown. Sky looked frustrated.

On the mat, Kaz controlled things with a short-arm scissors,
Sky fighting out into a couple of roll-ups but unable to
fight out entirely. A rapid sequence saw Sky position
Frankie for the TKO, but Kaz slipped out, continuing until
both crashed head-first, dropping simultaneously to the mat.

Gue-onti looked on disdainfully as Jericho put over Sammy’s
jacket and Taz claimed the two were ‘loved’ before coughing

Continuing to be a step ahead, Kaz reversed a Russian leg
sweep: a fisherman and bridge leading to a two before Sky
sent him to the outside, launching himself tope con hiro

You guessed it, commercial time.

The trend continued when we returned. Both knew each other
well enough to anticipate what was coming but Frankie was
just a little better at it, remaining in the driver’s seat
until being caught for the TKO as he attempted his
springboard legdrop. Even here though, the veteran slipped
out into a roll-up for two, then landing the aforesaid
legdrop for another close count.

With the champ on the apron, Kaz slingshot-ted him back in,
directly into a violent looking cutter to loud ‘ooohs’ from
the crowd.

Looking for the end, Frankie kept going for the Chicken Wing
but couldn’t quite get it locked, Sky grasping, clawing and
kicking but starting to fade when Lambert came out and took
the ref, allowing Page to strike Kaz with the belt. Sky,
still almost unconscious, drooped limply on top for the 1,2,
NO! Kaz raising his shoulder at the last split-second.

Just as the commentators were reasoning that Scorpio
wouldn’t be happy with the ATT guys for interfering, the
champ hauled a wobbly Kazarian up for the TKO to retain his

Very good action, excellent in-ring storytelling which at
least somewhat woke a sleepy crowd.

In the aftermath, Page asked a visibly irritated Sky which
side he was on, claiming he’d done what he’d done for their
team. Seemingly on the brink of a split, it turned out to
be a SWERVE BRO! Sky belting – literally – his former
comrade in the head.

Mic’d up, a heel Lambert baited Sammy and ‘Whorehausen’, who
rushed the ring as the heels fled from the other heels?

My head hurts. This belt feels like it’s been on a six-
month-long bender and last orders are nowhere in sight.
Rotten, rotten, rotten, rotten, rotten, rotten storytelling.

WINNER: Scorpio Sky

Check Out…

The main event was good but, particularly given the ending,
don’t go out of your way.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!

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