Posted on 7/28/126 by Bob Magee
The Hell in the Cell Weigh-In
“Chief Content Creator” Paul Levesque, Adam Pearce, and a
bunch of rent-a-cops were in the ring. The Hell in the Cell
was hanging above the ring, and it was lowered for the
weigh-in.
Oba came out first and weighed in a 302 pounds. Brock Lesnar
then came out with his wiseman or advocate or whatever, Paul
Heyman. More “officers” followed LEsnar, and they got in the
cage. Lesnar then locked the cage door without getting in.
Heyman got on the mic and announced a change in plans.
Heyman ran over Brock’s accolades while Lesnar taunted Femi
with the key and jumped up on the commentator’s table.
Heyman’s mic stopped working at different points during his
speech. Brock Lesnar is the beast of the “Brocktagon” and is
on an undefeated streak inside Hell in the Cell (two
matches). Oba Femi cannot beat Brock Lesnar at Hell in the
Cell. For the record, Heyman said Brock got on a scale in
the back and weighs 303 pounds.
Brock and Heyman went to leave, but Femi taunted Lesnar by
saying he wasn’t locked in a cell with Brock, but that Brock
was locked in a cell with him. Lesnar came back to flip Femi
off, and then left.
Femi beat up some of the rent-a-cops. Femi and one of the
cops messed up the Fall From Grace sit-out powerbomb. Femi
knocked over the scale.
Seriously, that was it? What was the point of having
Levesque out there?
Reigns v. Rollins, Chapter 6: The Surprise. At the Royal
Rumble 2002, Seth Rollins came out in his Shield gear to
taunt Reigns. Reigns beat the crap out of Rollins with a
steel chair.
— The Bloodline arrived in multiple SUVs.
Austin Theory & Bron Breakker (w/ Maxxine Dupri & Logan
Paul) v. Alpha Academy
This match was non-title.
Otis took Breakker down with a shouldertackle. Tozawa got
the tag and was immediately in the Vision corner being
double-teamed. Tozawa caught Theory with a rana that sent
him to the floor. Tozawa gave chase, and got tripped up by
Maxxine, which allowed the heels to take control.
After a commercial, Breakker pressed Tozawa and dropped him
onto his knees. Breakker knocked Otis to the floor, but
missed a charge into his own corner. Theory got the tag,
missed his own dive at Tozawa and got the tag to Otis. There
was a big pop from the crowd when Otis got the tag.
Otis hit both Theory and Breakker with back elbows, then
squashed them in the corner with avalanches. Otis tore off
his t-shirt, then hit Breakker with a caterpillar splash.
Tozawa hit Theory with a dive on the floor. He went for a
senton on Theory, but Paul distracted him, and Theory got
his knees up.
On the floor, Breakker sent Otis into the ring barricades.
Back in the ring, Theory held Tozawa open for his
supercharged spear —which is now called “Double Vision”— and
Breakker go the pinfall.
Match Result: Theory & Breakker won when Breakker pinned
Tozawa (8:27).
After the match, The Vision tried to beat up Tozawa some
more, but Otis made the save. Otis climbed the ropes to give
Theory a Vader Bomb type splash, but Maxxine distracted him,
and Theory and Breakker hit him with a double powerbomb.
Theory then held Otis open for another spear from Breakker.
The Vision were on their way to the back, but Theory then
grabbed a chair and smacked Otis in the head with it,
sandwiching his head against the ring post.
— Jackie Redmond interviewed LA Knight in the back, who gave
us his Apple Maps directions on how he got to the building
tonight. Knight addressed that others have been calling him
paranoid, which doesn’t make any sense because every
paranoid predictions he’s made has come true. That’s not
being paranoid, it’s “justified knowledge.” And Saturday
Night is alright for fighting, which is what his team is
going to do when they put the Bloodline in the ground at
SummerSlam.
— Raquel Rodriguez and Sol Ruca were shown preparing for
their match later tonight.
— Various celebrities and “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart
were shown in the crowd.
— Chad Gable was shown in Minneapolis doing the hard sell
local promo work for SummerSlam. This was followed by the
story of how challenging for the Intercontinental title
three years ago made Chad Gable a jerk. Gable then turned
himself into a luchador, and now after losing his mask, he’s
back on the road to redemption. Hopefully that ends with him
as the man he was always meant to be, winning the
Intercontinental title in Minnesota.
— Iyo Sky cut a promo in English and Japanese about her
match with Liv Morgan at SummerSlam.
Je’Von Evans v. Rusev
Rusev mauled Evans to start, hitting him with shoulderblocks
in the corner and a clothesline. Evans came back with a
boot, a superkick and a dropkick. Evans used the ropes to
spring into a rana, then sent Rusev to the floor with a
dropkick. Evans went for a dive through the ropes, but Rusev
cut him off with a forearm.
Back in the ring, Rusev rocked Evans with a forearm. Rusev
dumped Evans to the floor with a fallaway slam. Evans sent
Rusev into the ringpost. Evans then ran around the ring and
dove into Rusev, but Rusev caught him and dumped Evans into
the timekeeper’s area. Evans came back and dove over the
barricade into Rusev, then sent the show to commercial.
They did another deal here where it was a split-screen for
the commercial, and Rusev more or less dominated during the
break.
After the break, Rusev was in control with a chinlock. Evans
started fighting back with forearms, and Rusev downed him
with one punch. Evans battled back with fists and kicks,
then bounced off the ropes and hit Rusev with the “Red Dot”
(a flip into a kick). Rusev dropped to the floor, and for
minute the referee tended to Rusev off camera.
Rusev must have been okay, because Evans followed him to the
floor with a dive. Rusev caught Evans with a superkick and
went for the Accolade. Evans fought out of the Accolade
attempt and his a flying knee. Evans went for the OG Cutter,
but Rusev blocked it and locked in the Accolade. Evans
fought to the ropes and got the rope break.
Rusev went for another superkick, but Evans avoided it and
hit Rusev with a stunner. Evans then caught Rusev with the
OG Cutter and got the pinfall.
Match Result: Evans defeated Rusev via pinfall with the OG
Cutter (11:04).
Rollins v. Reigns, Chapter 7: Old Ghosts. Rollins interfered
in Roman’s World Title match so Cody Rhodes could finish the
story. SummerSlam is the first time since 2002 that Reigns
and Rollins have squared off one-on-one.
Joe Hendry & Danhausen in Concert
Joe Hendry played the guitar, and Danhuasen played an organ.
The Mini-Hausens came out and did a dance routine with
Hendry and Danhausen. The LA Clippers dancers came out and
danced as well to the lyrics “I Believe that You! Are!
Cursed!” Ryan Garcia, a boxer (one of the celebrities shown
in the crowd earlier), also came from the crowd and danced.
He grabbed a guitar… and then smashed it into Joe Hendry’s
back! JD McDonagh and Domink Mysterio came from the crowd
and jumped Danhausen, then put the boots to the Mini-
Hausens. Dom hit Danhausen with a frog splash, and then
dumped Danhausen to the floor.
— Penta is happy that Chad Gable has found his way, but
redemption doesn’t come from taking his Intercontinental
championship. (I believe it comes from giving HBO Max $40).
At SummerSlam, he’s not fighting for revenge, he’s fighting
for his legacy and for the people who believe in him.
— More celebrities were shown in the crowd. O’Shea Jackson,
Jr. was shown wearing a homemade “Bayley” t-shrit.
— Another promo for Big Cass’s return on 8/3. He’s crawling
his way back from “rock bottom.” Come on, was teaming with
Bryan Keith really that bad?
Rey Mysterio v. Ethan Page
Rey took Page down with a step-up rana. Page went for a
powerbomb, but Rey shifted his weight crashed down on Page’s
chest. Page came back and whipped Mysterio into the
turnbuckles chest first.
Page tortured Mysterio with a surfboard. Mysterio countered
by jumping up on Page’s shoulders and victory-rolling him to
the floor. Mysterio held onto Page, which was a mistake;
Page spun Mysterio around and powerbombed him on the apron.
After a commercial, Page was trying to rip the mask off of
Mysterio, who fought Page off and hit him with a moonsault
off the top. Mysterio caught Page with an enziguri. Rey went
for the 619, but charged into a boot instead. Page charged
into a boot from Mysterio. Mysterio sent Page into the
ringpost with a cazadora.
Rey took Page down with a tijeras. Rey came off the top with
a senton. He tried another springboard, but Page caught Rey
with a powerslam. Page tried for a vertical powerslam, but
Rey countered that into a DDT.
Rey went to the top, but Page cut him off with a boot. Page
set Rey up for a superplex onto the floor, but Rey fought
out and head butted Page to the floor. Rey then came off the
top with a hurricanrana that sent Page into the announcer’s
desk.
Back in the ring, Rey dropkicked Page in position for the
619. Page blocked the 619 with the ring apron skirt, then
sent Rey into the ringpost. Page hit the EgoPlex and got the
pinfall.
Match Result: Ethan Page pinned Rey Mysterio (11:45).
— Liv Morgan is going to remind Iyo Sky and everyone else
that she’s the greatest women’s champion of all time at
SummerSlam.
— In the back, Danhausen and the Mini-Hausens were being
treated by a nurse. Adam Pearce told Danhausen to give the
money back. Danhausen demanded that they hang the human
monies on the pole. “Haven’t you [Pearce] watched
wrestling?” “Me? No, never.” Okay that got a laugh out of
me.
So it will be a Human Monies on a Pole match at SummerSlam.
Usos In-Ring Promo
The Usos were in the ring. After Jey runs it back, he issued
a warning shot to Royce Keyes, LA Knight and his “big little
brother” Solo Sikoa.
Sikoa came out through the crowd in a white suit. Sikoa said
that the Usos claimed they didn’t start anything, but they
did start it when they went “crawling back” to Roman Reigns.
Jimmy grabbed the mic and told Solo that the Bloodline was
the best thing that ever happened to him, and Solo should
come back to the Bloodline. “Or else.”
“Or else what? You gonna yeet for 30 minutes?” Sikoa also
mocked the yeet dance and said it “bores everybody to
sleep.” Sikoa doesn’t want to come back, he loves where he’s
at, and so does everyone in Los Angeles (which got Sikoa a
modest pop a a bit of a chant). Sikoa told the Usos they
could tell Roman to kiss his a$$.
Sikoa started putting over his partners for SummerSlam,
which brought out LA Knight. Knight ran down how the
Bloodline have been screwing Royce Keyes and himself in
matches, and that the fight is on at SummerSlam. Or, they
can fight right now.
Solo and Knight hit the ring to fight the Usos, and get the
advantage until Jacob Fatu’s music hits. Knight and Solo
disposed of the Usos, but then Fatu took them out 1-on-2.
Now with a 3-on-2 edge, Royce Keyes ran in to help out. Jey
caught Keyes with a superkick, which he absorbed, and then
he floored Jey with a clothesline.
Jacob and Royce squared up to one another. Fatu caught Keyes
with the Tongan Death Grip, but Sikoa made the save with a
Samoan Spike. Keyes then hit Fatu with a spinebuster, and
the babyfaces stood tall in the ring to end the segment.
I think I’m really enjoying babyface Solo Sikoa.
— The Hell in a Cell cell gave a promo. Seriously, it was a
promo from the perspective of the Cell.
Sol Ruca v. Raquel Rodriguez for the WWE Women’s
Intercontinental Championship
Ruca hit an X-Factor early on for a near fall. Ruca tried a
front-facelock, but Rodriguez backdropped her way out of
that. Rodriguez missed an elbow drop, and Ruca hit a
standing moonsault. After a few more near misses, Rodriguez
hit Ruca with a clothesline.
Rodriguez choked Ruca against the ring ropes. Ruca caught
Rodriguez with a rana, then sent her to the floor with a
superkick. Ruca then came off the top with a moonsault to
the floor.
Back in the ring, Ruca got a near fall. Rodriguez was busted
open.
It seems like their experiementing with different ways to
have a commercial break during the match. This time, instead
of going to a commercial, the segment was “sponsored by” a
sponsor and that kind of covered 30% of the screen for a
minute.
Despite being busted open, Rodriguez took control and got a
near fall after a powerslam. Rodriguez hit Ruca with a
shouldertackle and got another near fall. Rodriguez put Ruca
in an overhead wrist lock so the referee could wipe the
blood off of Rodriguez’s face.
Ruca came back with a boot, then kind of a reverse
Codebreaker. Ruca with some openhanded chops and an uppercut
forearm. Rodriguez tried for a backdrop, but Ruca landed on
her feet and then tripped up Rodriguez. Ruca hit a Sliced
Bread #2 and then followed up with a running knee for a near
fall.
Ruca went for a springboard crossbody, but Rodriguez caught
her. Ruca escaped, then came off the top with a DDT for
another near fall.
Roxanne Perez ran out to distract Rodriguez. While the ref
was dealing with her, Liv Morgan tripped up Ruca on the
other side of the ring. Rodriguez hit Ruca with a boot for a
near fall.
Iyo Sky came out to even the odds. Morgan jumped Sky, but
Sky sent Morgan into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Ruca
hit Rodriguez with a proper Codebreaker. On the apron, Sky
hit Morgan with a meteora.
Ruca went for the Soul Snatcher, but Perez grabbed her and
sent her headfirst into the ringpost. Rodriguez pulled Ruca
out of the corner into the Tejana Bomb, and we have a new
champion!
Match Result: Raquel Rodriquez pinned Sol Ruca to win the
Women’s Intercontinental Championship (10:23).
Rollins v. Reigns, Chapter 8: The Grandest Stage. Last year
at WrestleMania, Rollins got Paul Heyman to turn on Reigns.
Because Rollins is always one step ahead of Reigns. Then the
Vision turned on Rollins.
Reigns and Rollins Face to Face
Roman Reigns came out first. He called out the name of the
city, but before he could ask for acknowledgment, Seth’s
music hit and he made his entrance.
Seth grabbed a mic, got in Roman’s face and said “Los
Angeles! Acknowledge me!”
Roman called Seth an “a$$hole” and Rollins agreed. Rollins
said he’s the bad guy, and he’s okay with that because
that’s how Rollins “gets his.” So again, it’s another promo
where Rollins says he’s had no advantages while Roman
started his career on 3rd base. Rollins ran down all the
ways that Reigns is better than him, but the one thing
Rollins is better at is professional wrestling. And when it
comes down to what happens in the ring and in Roman’s head,
Rollins owns Roman. “And there’s nothing you can point to to
call me a lair.”
Every single time it’s Roman v. Seth, Seth owns Roman.
SummerSlam isn’t going to be any different. Seth asked Roman
if he was going to get disqualified like he did at the ’22
Rumble. Or maybe he can call in the Bloodline to interfere.
Roman shot back that he is the only real superstar, and the
only true champion around here. Eveyone, not just in the WWE
but the whole industry needs Roman to beat Seth.
Seth asked Roman, “You need this redemption so bad, don’t
you?” Seth recalled that Roman said he needed his whole
family to see him beat Seth. Seth said that reminded him of
WrestleMania 31, when he cashed in on Roman and sent all of
Roman’s family home in tears. Seth said he’d love to send
them home in tears again. So that Roman’s kids would see
that Roman was nothing more than a loser and Seth’s b!tch.
Reigns decked Seth, the fight was on and it was pretty one
sided. Roman put Seth down with a Superman Punch and a
spear. Roman dropped to the floor and grabbed a chair.
Reigns slid in the ring holding the chair, in perfect
position for Rollins to stomp Reigns’ face into the chair.
Seth stood tall over Reigns to end the show.
Final Thoughts:
As a go-home show for SummerSlam, I was underwhelmed. I saw
Oba beat up some fake security guards two weeks ago, and I
saw Roman and Seth cut promos on each other two weeks ago.
They didn’t really give me any new reasons to watch
SummerSlam. Well, except for “Human Monies on a Pole,” which
was sort-of entertaining in a “WeeLC” match kind of way.