Posted on 7/19/126 by Bob Magee
That’s right, our pre-coverage of the pre-show, pre-Main
Event is pre-starting now! You can expect a lot of pre-going
and pre-c– actually, let’s just get into the wrestling show,
shall we?
So WWE is big pals with the sports merchandising company
Fanatics, so a good chunk of this show will probably ads,
including the 4 solid minutes of ads promoting Saturday
Night’s Main Event “on the night of Fanatics fest” that led
into the pre-show.
Our hosts for the next 32 minutes or so are Stephanie
McMahon and Joe Tessitore, along with Jackie Redmond and
Cathy Kelley reporting from the crowd and backstage
respectively. They ran down the story of the main event over
the traditional footage of wrestlers arriving to work
(though in their defence, CM Punk was already there and just
kind of sitting around). They worked the crowd and rand
through the show’s card, with Danhausen getting the biggest
roar (non Jalen Brunson division).
Micheal Cole and Wade Barrett chimed in and were mercifully
interrupted by the music of the one and only Laredo Kid.
United States Championship Match: Trick Williams (c) vs
Laredo Kid
Trick and his dumb fuzzy belt were way over with the MSG
audience who chanted “Whoop that, Trick” as he entered.
This match was added to the pre-show this afternoon but
what’s more important is that I really enjoyed an Instagram
video of Williams buying John Cena trading cards for a kid
at Fanatics fest. Can’t that be what Unreal is about? Any
ways, Laredo Kid is fantastic (which you would know if you
were watching AAA, which you should be) so this match was
primed to get the crowd whipped up for the evening’s action.
Williams started things off by ripping a piece of Laredo’s
mask off and throwing it into the crowd. Williams had a
significant size advantage over Laredo, but Laredo is a 20+
year veteran and used his high flying abilities to keep
Williams on his toes.
Laredo targeted Williams’ knee, trying to keep him off his
feet. Williams took a few minutes to get used to the
Luchadore style Laredo was bringing, but was able to use his
own power and strength to counter Laredo’s offense.
Laredo used his spinning moonsault twice before going for
the first cover, but Williams wasn’t ready to quit yet.
Laredo tried submission, putting on a half crab, but
Williams got out of it in time to take a knee to the face.
Williams hit a neckbreaker out of nowhere to turn the tides
and dropped Laredo on his face before chopping him in half.
Laredo countered a book end into a casadora but could only
get a two count on Williams.
Laredo then dove onto Williams on the outside from the top
of the ringpost and looked like he took the brunt of it.
Williams landed a Trick Shot and that was it.
Match Result: Trick Williams defeated Laredo Kid
Back to Tessitore and Stephanie, they commented that
WIlliams is a superstar and then showed footage from
Danhausen’s UnCursing Parade earlier in the afternoon. They
then played a video package of what WWE stars were up to a
Fanatics Fest. This included footage of Tom Brady slapping
Logan Paul, which is annoying because the man has seven
Superbowl rings AND he gets to slap Logan Paul? Unfair.
Stephanie then moved down to the ring and introduced Oba
Femi who came out with his full entrance to the crowd’s
delight. Femi said that his last outing against Brock Lesnar
didn’t go as he planned (Femi lost) but he’s in Lesnar’s
head and that’s good enough.
Femi said that the tides are chaging and in Hell In a Cell,
he’s not locked in there with Lesnar, Lesnar is locked in
there with him, and he will prevail.
And that’s the pre-show! See you on the other side for:
SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT
Then. Now. The night of Fanatics Fest.
The show opened with more people arriving to work and a
retrospective of some WWE moments that happened at Madison
Square Garden over the years.
Tessitore and Stephanie are your hosts for the evening and
they bigged up the card and threw to Cole and Barrett as
Fatal Influence’s music began to play.
WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Match: Paige & Brie Bella
(C) vs. Fatal Influence (Lainey Reid & Fallon Henley w/Jacy
Jayne)
Paige and Bella have retained the title four times, as
they’ve beaten The Irresistible Forces (twice), Bayley and
Lyra Valkyria (leading to the disintegration of their
friendship) and Raquel Rodriguez and Roxanne Perez. Tonight
they face some newcomers in Fatal Influence, so it will be
crafty veterans against devious rookies.
As the bell rand, Henley charged at Paige, who tossed her
out of the ring. Reid officially started the match and Paige
woman-handled her, tagging in Brie. Brie relied on kicks to
keep Henley at bay, isolating her in the (sigh) Scream Mode
corner.
Reid made a blind tag and dropped Paige over the top rope
neck first. She returned the isolation favor and Reid and
Henley traded tags and strikes on Paige. Paige psyched them
out though and got a tag to Brie who hit a Side Russian Leg
Sweep on Henley, before launching in to the Yes Kicks.
Brie transitioned into Brie Mode (which I feel like I should
remind you is what they used to say when she got too tipsy
on Total Divas) and worked over Henley and Reid. Henley
managed a comback though, sending Brie face first into the
mat.
Paige tagged in and threw some Knees at Henley on the apron.
That brought Jacy Jayne in who Paige dispatched with a right
hand. Henley (who looked like she was bleeding from the
mouth) was sent to the outside, bringing in Reid. Jayne
distracted the ref and Henley levelled Paige with a lariat.
Paige went for a rollup on Reid, but Jayne hopped up and
rolled her through into a pin on Paige. 1-2-3, Fatal
Influence are the new WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions.
Match Result: Fatal Influence defeated Paige and Brie Bella
-Backstage, Cathy Kelley interviewed Sami Zayn. Zayn said
that he doesn’t want to call himself a victim, but
everything that’s happened since he won the title was
egregious. He smashed his head against the glass ceiling for
ten years to win the title, when all Cody and Punk had to do
was say “when.”
Gunther then interrupted and warned Zayn to stay out of his
way, get the job done and not ruin Summerslam for him.
No DQ Match: Danhausen vs. JD McDonagh
Danhausen has become a massive name in WWE, but I think this
is the first time since his debut that I personally have
seen him wrestling in a WWE ring. He’s been keeping busy
though, helping the NY Knicks win a title, stealing Dominik
Mysterio’s money, cursing Women’s World Champion Liv Morgan
and electrocuting McDonagh.
The Judgment Day got some measure of revenge by trashing
Danhausen’s lab and stealing his Knicks jersey. So, at
McDonagh’s request, a No Disqualification Match, which I’m
sure will allow for all kinds of shenanigans on both sides
of the ring.
A film from “WWE Studiohausen” called “The Cursefather” ran
down what led up to this confrontation (even though I just
told you) and Danhausen added “Basketball Icon” to his list
of nicknames.
As the Blimphausen circled the ring, McDonagh entered with
Liv Morgan and Dirty Dominick Mysterio. Liv didn’t stick
around, but Dom did, holding Danhausen’s Knicks jersey.
Danhausen is fun. He’s like a Darby Allin I don’t have to
constantly worry about seriously injuring himself.
The bell rang and Danhausen tried to curse McDonagh, but he
rolled out of the ring to confer with Dom. Dom hopped up on
the apron and distracted Danhausen so JD could jump him from
behind. He sent Danhausen to the outside and threw him into
barricades around the ring. Dom got involved too, bouncing
Danhausen’s headhausen off the announce tablehausen.
Back in the ring, McDonagh suplexed Danhausen and dropped
elbows while Dom used the jersey to clean his shoes.
Danhausen started to fight back, peppering McDonagh with
punches until McDonagh landed a brainbuster.
McDonagh grabbed the jersey from Dom and wiped his
butthausen with it. He then whiffed on a moonsault, giving
Danhausen a chance to regain the jersey and put it on to the
delight of the crowd. McDonagh went for some strikes, but
Danhausen no-sold them and nailed a clothesline.
Dom came into the ring and Danhausen suplexed him. McDonagh
snuck in and tried to steal one with a rollup. McDonagh went
for a slam, but Danhausen countered it and laid out
McDonagh. Then Dom attacked from behind. He and McDonagh
stomped Danhausen into the mat.
McDonagh threw some headbutts with his “bison-sized head”
then tore the jersey off of Danhausen. Danhausen rolled out
of the rin and started walking up the ramp. Dom and McDonagh
went under the ring to get a table and that brought out a
trio of MiniHausens!
Dom and JD fended them off while Danhausen put a stuffed cat
in the “cloning machine.” Dom and JD seemed to not notice
this and threw an official Slim Jim table and a MiniHausen
into the ring. McDonagh went to powerbomb the MiniHausen,
but the Cloning Machine finished it’s work and who should
come out? Carl Anthony Towns of the New York Knicks!
(C-A-T, get it?)
Danhausen and CAT came down to the ring and CAT Chokeslammed
McDonagh while Dom watched. Then CAT chokeslamed Dom through
the table. Danhausen grabbed McDonagh and hit him with a
Triple D to win the match.
Match Result: Danhausen defeated JD McDonagh
-Lyra Valkyria was interviewed backstage looking reeaaallly
sad. She said that she can’t stop thinking about Bayley and
wants to get her out of her head. She then left and Cathy
Kelley said that she is afraid Valkyria is out of her mind.
Celebrities like Jeff Ross, Lin-Manuel Miranda and Cooper
DeJean were showed in the audience.
-Cathy Kelley then approached Bayley backstage. Bayley said
that she tried to give Valkyria a chance, but now she’s
going to end her before she even gets [her career] started.
Bayley vs. Lyra Valkyria
Bayley and Valkyria used to be tag team partners and
friends, but after the pair failed to win the WWE Women’s
Tag Team Championships from Brie Bella and Paige, Valkyrira
turned on her Role Model. They’ve tried talking it out, but
Valkyria wants none of the chat and all of the fighting. So
tonight, they bury the hatchet.
Lyra went right for Bayley after the bell rang, but Bayley
was able to fight her off. The two went at it aggressively,
with Lyra moving the fight to the ouside and taking a stiff,
stiff elbow form Bayley. Bayley kept throwing strikes
causing Lyra to turtle. Bayley suplexed her on the floor as
the Ref begged them to get back in the ring.
Lyra had a bleeding (possibly broken) nose from that strike
and back in the ring, she workled Bayley’s arm over the
ropes, trying to wrench it from the socket. She then pounded
Bayley like it was the UFC until Bayley managed to send her
tumbling out of the ring again.
The ref held Bayley back as Lyra was checked on, but Bayley
managed a dive into her and roll her back into the ring.
There was a significant pool of blood left behind.
Lyra didn’t give up the agression though, dropping knees and
slamming Bayley in the middle of the ring. The two were
wrestling, frankly, a little sloppily, but I think that was
intentional to try and sell the intesity of the rivalry as
well as Lyra’s injury.
Bayley put Lyra in a Boston Crab with no ropes in sight.
Lyra slipped out of it and sent Bayley to the corner. Bayley
regrouped and went up top. Lyra got there first though and
hit a neckbreaker onto the turnbuckle. She then hit a
guillotine leg drop from the top rope.
Bayley caught Lyra’s leg from a spin kick and sent her into
the corner. She bounced Lyra’s face off the turnbuckle and
then put on a crossface to exploit Lyra’s injury. Bayley
broke the hold and Lyra lured her in to a top rope to the
throat.
Lyra used a sling blade to get Bayley down and locked in a
sleeper. Lyra bridged the hold to really put the pressure on
and the ref declared the match over as Bayley (allegedy)
passed out.
Match Result: Lyra Valkyria defeated Bayley
After the match, Lyra bounced Bayley’s head off the ringpost
and put the choke hold back on. The Ref finally separated
them and Lyra went to the steel stairs. She pushed the top
one off and then set up Bayley for a Nightwing onto the
steps. Lyra then exited while Bayley was attended to by
officials.
-WWE then announced that next year when Wrestlemania is in
Saudi Arabia, after the Wrestlemania shows are done each
day, there will be AAA and NXT PLE’s that follow it live.
-Back from break, we had an interview with Cody and CM Punk.
Rhodes brought up co-existing right away and said that yes,
they would. Punk then chimed in saying that he wants a one-
on-one match so that there’s no doubt when he beats Rhodes
at Summerslam. Rhodes agreed then asked who gets to go out
first? His music then hit, so the decision was made for
them.
CM Punk & Cody Rhodes vs Gunther & Sami Zayn
Last night on Smackdown, Gunther and Rhodes tried to settle
things one-on-one but Punk insisted on watching Rhodes’ back
to protect his partner for tonight. As you can imagine this
ended in a brawl, but prior to that, Acting GM Adam Pearce
added some stakes to this match: if Gunther and Zayn win,
the Undisputed WWE Title match at SummerSlam becomes a Fatal
4-Way with Punk, Rhodes, Gunther and Zayn.
Let the co-existence begin!
As soon as Zayn reached the ring, he and Punk started
swinging. Gunther and Rhodes did the same and were pulled
apart by the ref. Everyone settled into their corners and
Rhodes took control of Zayn. He and Punk traded quick tags
until Zayn sent Punk into the corner with Gunther who
punched him and then tagged in.
Zayne distracted the ref while Gunther took Punk to the
outside and dropped him spine-first over the barricade.
Rhodes came around to help Punk back into the ring to avoid
the count out. Zayn was legal so he started driving Punks
head into the mat screaming “you stole it from me!”
Punk was busted open from his run in with Gunther and
crawled over to tag Rhodes just as Zayn tagged in Gunther.
Rhodes and Gunther are no strangers and Rhodes laid Gunther
out with a disaster kick. Zayn tried to help but Rhodes hit
him with a Cody cutter and sent him right back out.
Rhodes then hit a Cody Cutter on Gunther from the top rope,
but could only get a two count. Rhodes went for Crossrhodes,
but Gunther dodged it and tagged in Zayn. Zayn went for a
blue thunder bomb, but as legally required, Rhodes kicked
out at two.
Zayne whiffed on a Helluva kick and Rhodes tagged in Punk.
Punk came off the top rope with a forearm and bulldog. The
match was moving very fast with no letting up in sight.
Punk dropped an elbow from the top turnbuckle and locked in
an Anaconda vise. Gunther tried to break it, but Cody cut
him off and put him in a figure four. Gunther rolled the
figure four, allowing him to eye-poke Punk as he broke the
hold.
Zayn hit an exploder into the corner on Punk and geared up
for another Helluva kick. He landed this one, but then
Rhodes nailed Zayn with a Crossrhodes. Gunther then threw a
lariat at Rhodes and went for Punk, who caught him looking
with a GTS.
All four men were laid out in the ring in what was the first
“rest” thusfar of the match.
Gunther got up and shoved Punk into Rhodes on the apron.
Gunther then locked the Career Killer Sleeper on Punk. Punk
mananged to stand and tried for a GTS, but Gunther got him
in the hold again. This time he was too close to the corner
though and Rhodes tagged in to Crossrhodes Gunther. Rhodes
went for the pin, but Zayn flew in and broke up the pin.
In all the melee, the ref got bumped. Punk hit a GTS on Zayn
and then he and Rhodes threw bombs at Gunther, two-on-one.
Rhodes went for a Cody Cutter, but Gunther moved and he hit
Punk. Gunther exited the ring and grabbed the WWE Title
belt. He clocked Rhodes with it then powerbombed him.
Gunther went for the pin as another Ref ran into the ring.
He started the count, but Nick Aldis appeared and pulled him
out of the ring. Then Aldis clocked Gunther with the belt,
allowing Punk to hit him with a GTS. Punk pulled Rhodes on
top of Gunther and Aldis sent the ref back in to count 1-2-3
and give Punk and Rhodes their one on one match at
Summerslam.
Match Result: CM Punk & Cody Rhodes defeated Gunther & Sami
Zayn
After the match, Rhodes handed Punk back his belt and they
celebrated in the ring.
So, all that happened and it was 9:40pm, leaving me
wondering why the Main Event of Saturday Night’s Main Event
wasn’t actually the Main Event, and what the last 20 minutes
of the show would be.
Joe Tessitore and Stephanie McMahon joined us again to recap
everything we just saw. They ran down the SummerSlam card
and tee’d up Roman Reigns and Jalen Brunson appearing next
for an… interview? Pose down? One-on-one game of horse? No
idea, and no idea why it’s closing the show.
At 9:50, Barrett and Cole introduced a video package about
Jalen Brunson being the “King of New York.” The Blimphausen
was flown over the ring, rebranded with a “Congrats to the
Knicks” message. Brunson was introduced at 9:53, wearing an
OTC 11 shirt (because he wears #11 you see). He walked
through the back slapping hands while a highlight reel
played.
Roman Reigns met him at the Gorilla position and Roman’s
music played. It was 9:55.
They both sauntered out of the entrance and put their
fingers to the sky. They made it to the ring at 9:58 and
pointed to the sky again.
Then they entered the ring, pointed again and fireworks went
off. 9:59.
They walked around the ring and Roman grabbed a mic. 10:00
on the dot. So its’ possible that the broadcast feed may
have ended, but the stream (I was watching on Youtube)
continued.
Roman asked the question on everyone’s mind: What are they
doing out there right now?
He said that this is where Greatness acknowledges Greatness.
It’s no secret that NYC is the home of WWE and 53 years was
way too long for the Knicks to go without a championship.
Roman listed Brunson’s accomplishments and nicknames and
gave Brunson a Knicks themed WWE Heavyweight Championship
belt with custom side plates.
Roman then told the crowd to “acknowledge us.” They did, and
then Seth Rollins’ music hit. But instead of Seth, Tyrese
Haliburton came out instead, carrying a chair. That let
Rollins jump Roman from behind. Haliburton handed Rollins
the chair and Rollins went to Curb Stomp Reigns on the
chair, but Brunson got between them.
That allowed Reigns to recover and Superman punch Seth,
followed by a Spear. Haliburton and Seth retreated and
someone slid the NBA Championship Trophy into the ring and
Reigns and Brunson posed with it and their belts.
Roman’s music played as the show came to a close, and I can
only presume that this is all leading to a tag match with
all four men at Bash At The Beach.
What a weird ending to an otherwise pretty decent show.