NOT GETTING LAID? YOU'LL LOVE THE WWF!


by Dan Moreland



mi-sog'y-ny n. Hatred of women (Webster's Dictionary)

Lets face facts: wrestling is a man's world. Always the butt of the best ribs in the dressing room, women have rarely achieved the level of repect that the boys have in this business. And this lack of respect reaches the fan level, who, even in the golden era of ladies wrestling in the 50s, most of the male fans enjoyed watching two pretty bozarks roll on the mat in their bathing suits, ignoring the fact that in many cases that when it came to putting on a fantastic match the women could give the men a run for their money in the ring (if you don't think they can, watch a couple hours of the AJPW wrestling from Japan- its among the best wrestling on the planet).

As womens wrestling died out in the early 80s, the role of the woman in the ring changed as the 90s rolled in. While several attempts were made at reviving the Ladies Division in this country both the WWF and WCW, as well as the failed LPWA, it was clear that with both lack of booking ability and a dearth of female talent, that any women left in the industry had one role: get breast implants and escort male wrestlers to the ring in as little clothing as possible.

While the role of the female valet escorting her male wrestler to the ring is as old as Val Venis' dick jokes, it is clear that ECW was revolutionary in transferring that role from the Missy Hyatts and Baby Dolls of the world to the Francines and Beulah McGillicuddys. While still clever and able to help their man win in some way, the MO went from the ditsy bimbo character to the devilish slut.

Now don't get me wrong- I'm no prude. Many a time Ive had to reach down and pick my eyeballs off the floor gawking at Sable, Sunny, Lady Alexander, Kimona Wanaleia, Miss Patricia, and Jaqueline strutting to the ring with their 67 quadruple J breasts falling out of their tops. But there was always some modicum of respect. After all, Beulah was respected as being as hardcore as her "man", Tommy Dreamer. Jacqueline would happily bodyslam one of Kevin Sullivans opponents at ringside to help him win the big match. And Sunny was recognized as the brains behind Skip's brawn.

But the 8/10 Raw changed all that. I don't know who on the WWF booking commitee is getting denied their nightly blow job on a nightly basis on the booking committee, but this weeks Raw didn't just use women as sex subjects that leering male fans could use as masturbation material at 11 pm on Monaday nite: the 8/10 Raw was just downright hateful towards the fairer sex.

It was hard to decide which made me cringe the most, but there were about four angles tonight that convinced me someones not getting their end wet in the WWF. Maybe it was Val Venis dumping poor little Mrs. Yamaguchi. You remember- the feud where the babyface is a porno star who steals a guys wife and turned her out in X-rated movies. Meanwhile the heel is the women's husband who is simply trying to uphold the ancient code of Japanese manhood by defending the honor of his fallen wife. Well anyway tonight we get to see the blowoff of the feud: Val telling the poor little Nippette to hit the road while handing her a battery to her vibrator. Hey, if there any 14 year old boys watching, this is the way you treat women guys!

And speaking of "Turning out" how about the Godfather Kama Mustafa and his hos? While I think that this is Charles Wright's best character, and I kind of can't help laugh watching as Vader takes his three hookers in return for forfeiting the match, I never in my life thought I'd hear that paragon of Middle America Jim Ross utter the sentance "There goes the Godfather with his hos!" as if he were calling a Rocky Maivia armbar on Billy Gunn. Jim what would your mama in Oklahoma think?

Even the icon of feminine power, the Amazonian Chyna, resorted to having to expose her bare buttocks for all of America to see on national TV. All I can say is if the WWF ever signs Nichole Bass is "NO VINCE NO!"

Of course not all the misogyny that seems to plague the "Women Hater Club" up in Stamford is that obvious. Reports I receive are that Hawk's "drunk" act is a rib on Sunny's alleged problems of late. I don't think making fun of someones drug/alcohol problems on national TV is all that funny. And I'll bet my bottom dollar that no one would think of doing that if the issue was with a male wrestler like Brian Pillman or Louie Spicolli. What I do think is funny that when Hawk is such a lousy worker that when he stumbled to the ring and missed his spots while doing the gimmick, that I didn't notice anything wrong until someone pointed it out!

Well, I shouldn't hit the WWF too hard, after all they DID have a real ladies match!

In a short but well worked match between two of the best female wrestlers in the country, Luna Vachon pinned Marc Maro's valet Jaqueline to win the WWF Ladies Championship trophy.

Whoops! I mean Bikini Contest trophy!

Hey Vince, do America a favor by not turning every adolescent kid watching your TV show into a wife beating rapist and take your booking committee to Scores this week, would you?

Dan Moreland is a columnist for Pro Wrestling's Between The Sheets - for comments or opposing viewpoints please e-mail to Dan Moreland

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