THE UGLY TRUTH about . . . . CHRIS JERICHO . . . MIDGET LEAGUE FOOTBALL . . .VINCE RUSSO . . . OVERPOPULATION . . . and yes, for the second week in a row, FABULOUS MOOLAH, MAE YOUNG AND FMW!!!!!!!!
Before parents point the finger at the WWF claiming it's violent content is setting a bad example for their kids, maybe Mom and Dad need to look in the mirror.
Exhibit: this wonderful and heartwarming news story from the Allentown, PA Morning Call describing a very violent brawl that took place at the conclusion of a Midget Football Game!
The brawl took place between over 100 parents and kids after a football game between the Allentown Huskies and the Pocono Mountain Cardinals this past Sunday afternoon.
The article reads:
" . . . troopers from the Swiftwater barracks (were) summoned to the playing field around 5 p.m. Sunday. They arrived after most of what one coach described as a melee that lasted less than five minutes after the Pocono Mountain team defeated the Allentown team 14 to 7." "It seems few of the nearly 100 parents, coaches and 11- to 14-year old players who participated in the pushing, shoving, punching and helmet- and chair-throwing want to talk about it -- at least not with the state police."
According to the article, one of the Cardinal coaches was struck with either a helmet or a chair, giving him 7 stitches!
Chairshots and hardway juice at a Midget Football game???!!! "ECW! ECW! ECW!!!!!"
THEY'RE HARDCORE! THEY'RE HARDCORE!!!!!
The article continues:
"Fighting broke out while players and coaches from both sides were shaking hands after the game. It's a tradition meant to dissolve any hard feelings raised on the playing field, but on Sunday it became an opportunity to continue on-field verbal and physical confrontations. 'From what I can gather, they were on each other before the game, during the game and after the game,' Wade L. Boston (PA State Trooper) said. Huskies parent Santos Moreno said the Pocono Mountain team taunted his son's team. 'Throughout the entire game, they were talking junk to us,' he said.
How nice. Instead of teaching our children sportsmanship, LETS JUST MAKE FUN OF THE KIDS ON THE OTHER TEAM.
Moreover: "He said Huskies parents joined the fight after a Pocono Mountain parent struck one of the Huskies players."
Let me get this straight. Some AHOLE parent HIT A KID ON THE OTHER TEAM???????? What is WRONG with these people??????
It's bad enough these losers get drunk every Sunday night and beat their kids senseless with an electrical cord after they drop a pass in their stupid football game. But no, that's not good enough. Tired and bored of abusing their own kids, these jerks now have to FIND OTHER KIDS TO BEAT UP?????
Good job, Midget Football Parents. I guess Junior certainly does NOT need to watch Raw to learn how to smash in someone's dome with a chair- they simply have to watch Mom and Dad trade chairshots with other adults right in front of their eyes!
What a fine and wonderful example for America's Youth.
'''Because everyone was so involved, no one wants to say anything because then their involvement will come to light,' said Trooper Wade L. Boston on Tuesday. ''It's like nobody did anything wrong except the other guy.''
Outstanding, Midget Football Parents. Not only will we show Junior how to give another human being a brain concussion with a vicious post-game chairshot, we'll LIE TO THE POLICE ABOUT IT!!!!
But no, it still MUST be the WWF that is responsible for encouraging violence in kids. See, one of the rocket scientist coaches, Don Huggard of the Cardinals, came up with this absolutley brilliant explanation for the fight:
"''It was a very intense game for both of us,' said Don Huggard, an assistant coach for the Cardinals and president of the Pocono Mountain Youth Association. 'The emotions run high. People are hitting each other all game long.' But Huggard said he believes the setup of the field contributed to the problem. The team usually plays in the Pocono Mountain High School's stadium, but Huggard said the school district relegated them to a practice field because it didn't want its playing field torn up during Sunday's heavy rains. So both teams and all the parents watched from the same sideline -- a situation Huggard said he never wants to see again. 'Once the parents saw kids throwing fists at each other, they were on the field,' Huggard said. 'It happened so fast. They were just on top of us, and there was no way to control it. 'Normally, we don't play in such tight quarters."
Now get this quote. This is great:
"Normally, they would have had to come down steps and over a fence.''
Props to you too, Don, for that fantastic analysis of the situation. According to Don, the real reason that all these parents decided to have a fans-bring-weapons Battle Royale at the end of the game was NOT because they were a bunch of drunken, low life pieces of white trash- it was because of the field!!!!
Not only that, but Midget Football Parents are so violent that we need to KEEP THEM BEHIND A CAGE to keep them from assaulting the kids on the field!!!!
So the solution? Move to a better field? Better yet, maybe we need to erect a barbed wire topped electrical fence with guard towers and German Shepards to keep these jerkoffs from storming the field!
I don't think so, Midget Football Parents. I have a better idea.
Stop trying to relive your failed high school athletic careers through your kids. Stop using little league sports as an excuse to get sloshed and yell at 10 year olds on the other team.
Better yet, why don't we just get rid of little league sports altogether?
I know I know, being on a team when you are a kid builds character, it builds teamwork etc. .
I agree. What a find example of teamwork it must have been for the kids watching as Dad held back the coach of the opposing team while Mom tried to cave in his beak with a football helmet!! Now THAT, Kids, is teamwork!!!!
Actually, there ARE better ways to get your kids involved in activities. I hear ballet is very nice. So is Sunday school.
Even knitting is a hell of a lot better than getting your dome cracked open with a football helmet!
Please do not get me wrong. This is NOT an indictment of ALL little league parents! After all, I can see how educated, hard working Mom and Dad, looking to do the right thing for little Johnny, can get caught up in all this madness!
Johnny is up to bat. The little snotnose bastard pitcher on the other team decapitates little Johnny with a pitch.
While little Johnny lays unconscious, in a coma for the rest of his life, Little Snotnose Bastard's inebriated trailer trash parents get up and cheer.
Shocked and appalled, educated Mom and Dad go over to White Trash parents and yell at them for being so insensitive. 350 pound plus Mrs. White Trash calls Mom a whore, while Mr. White Trash throws a sloppy drunken punch at Dad. Dad grabs a chair and smashes Mr. White Trash cranium with it, knocking off his Dale Earnhardt baseball cap and splitting his skull open all over his nylon softball jacket.
Several parents jump in the ensuing brawl. The cops show up. No one knows nothing.
Meanwhile, it is the WWF that is ruining our children's lives.
BIRTH CONTROL, ANYONE???!!???!!?!?!?!?
I've received some emails asking what do I think of the Paul Wight and D-Lo Brown "cancer" "angle" this Monday night on Raw.
I really can't answer that. After all, I really need to see where the angle is going.
On SECOND THOUGHT . . .
MEMO TO THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION, 10/14/99:
TERMINAL ILLNESS SHOULD NEVER, EVER BE USED AS PART OF A WRESTLING STORYLINE!!!
I'm sorry, I hate to jump to conclusions, but what possible scenario CAN there be where the WWF handles someone dying of cancer TASTEFULLY in an angle? Sorry WWF marks, but I simply cannot see it.
I mean, someone at the WWF had better be really damn creative to get me to back off of THIS. But that's the point. You can NEVER be creative enough to make terminal illness a part of wrestling!
Probably the ghouls at the WWF are doing some angle where Big Show's dad is "ill" with cancer, and the Undertaker saves him. Or Big Show uses a made up story to get babyface sympathy, only to do another heel turn.
No matter WHAT they come up with, I don't find any of this very funny.
Even if Paul Wight's father or another relative really is dying of some disease, and frankly I have no idea if that is the case or not, then have Jim Ross mention it on the broadcast. Unless Paul Wight's father requested his illness be used in a wrestling angle.
But even that is a little whacked.
PART TWO OF THE MEMO: WHAT NEXT, WWF? WHAT NEW TRAGEDY CAN WE EXPLOIT FOR TV RATINGS?
DEBRA GETS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER?
MARK HENRY TESTS POSITIVE FOR HIV?
STEVE AUSTIN NEEDS A NEW LIVER?
Not too funny, is it? I don't think so either. SO WHY DO IT????!!!!!!
Then again, none of this surprises me.
After all this is the promotion that has used pregnancy, Satanism, partner abuse, transvestite fellatio, physical handicaps, sado-masochism, alcoholism, sex addiction, and physical assault on women as part of their scatological and sickening storylines.
Hmmmmm . . I changed my mind . . .
Maybe Midget Football isn't so bad after all!!!!!
"While there are many people that have literally guaranteed that Chris Jericho will be the Next Big Thing in the WWF, the fact is THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES!" "Chris Jericho has everything it takes to be the biggest star in the game, and I along with many others are truly pulling for the guy. Chris Jericho is already being pre-packaged by the WWF as "The Millennium Man". Be afraid, Jerichoholics. Be very afraid."
When were those words posted on PWBTS.COM? August 1999. Who wrote them?
Well in all humility, modesty and in a very self-effacing manner
. . . .ME!!!MEMEMEMEMEEEEE!!!!
Actually all kidding aside my point back then was that the WWF marks were falling all over themselves proclaiming Chris Jericho as the new God of Wrestling; the Next Big Thing in the WWF; and a Sure Thing. Without wrestling a single match, Jericho was placed on a pedestal right next to Steve Austin and the Rock.
I was one of the few columnists in wrestling that had the SACK to point out the FACTS: While Chris has a better shot than most, the WWF is NOT a promotion with track record for using established WCW stars correctly.
I was rooting for Chris as I do now. He is a good guy. He is a great worker. And he has all the star power in the world.
But for my expressing opinion, I was subjected to ridicule, humiliation, and worst of all called reindeer names.
Sadly, so far my prediction has held true.
While well liked by most of the WWF dressing room, the whispers out of jealousy or professional opinion are that Chris is NOT all that. He has had big run ins with both the Big Show and Road Dogg over conflicting wrestling styles.
It got so bad that Road Dogg SLAPPED Chris Jericho in the middle of the ring for being too stiff. You know you are NOT over with another wrestler in the business when a dude BITCH SLAPS you right on TV! And it's NOT like it was a veteran like Terry Funk doing it either!!!
Jericho made Big Show so mad after a match that the freak PUNCHED A HOLE IN A WALL! Then again, since when does Paul Wight have any room to criticize another wrestler's style? Go back to doing cancer angles, Paul. Then again, you MUST be in a slump when a stiff like Paul Wight criticizes your workrate!!!
And so far with the exception of those fans that are going to be Jerichoholics no matter what, Chris due to bad booking or just the different atmosphere has NOT gotten over with the WWF marks just YET.
Of course, having that other stiff Curtis Hughes at his side does Jericho no favors. I also think that the hot Ken Shamrock feud getting derailed does not help. And ending the Ralphus- uh I mean Fink program was a mistake. Come on, Howard Finkle trying to be the Ultimate Warrior? I was laughing my ass off!
Time will tell. I still am rooting for my August prediction to NOT come true in the end. But a few more bitch slaps from WWF mid-carders here, some more birdholes getting knocked in a dressing room partition there, and Chris Jericho will be stuck working double DQs with the XPoc and the Acolytes!
Speaking of Curtis Hughes, how much does it suck that two bad asses like Royce Gracie or Dan Severn could not end Ken Shamrock's career, yet he almost gets his career ended by Curtis F'n Hughes?!???
I mean Ken Shamrock must be sitting at his California home right now thinking to himself, "Self, I held my own with the baddest dudes on the planet. And who does me in?
Th Big Cat! Mister Hughes!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who would have thought that being locked in an octagonal cage with Oleg Taktarov and Tank Abbott on the same night would be safer than doing an angle with CURTIS HUGHES???!??? That really DOES suck.
Another guy everyone and his mother is raving about is Vince Russo. WCW marks are now convinced that FINALLY their promotion will stop drawing 2.6 ratings and catch up with the WWF once again! Vince will simply write WCW to the apex of the wrestling world and topple. . well, Vince!
Let's not break out those champagne bottles just yet, WCW marks.
Vince Russo IS a good signing for WCW. They need full time TV writers. But as with Chris Jericho, THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES that the Russo jump will change the tide for WCW!
Once again, lets look at something people in this business have a problem with:
First off, Vince Russo was NOT under contract with the WWF. Many have said this is an oversight by Vince McMahon.
My guess is that if you are NOT under contract with WCW or the WWF in one of the bloodiest promotional wars in wrestling history, how important can you be? Even after Russo begged for better hours and working conditions, Vince did NOT listen nor did Vince try to lock down Russo, even when it was becoming obvious that he was NOT happy!
I think Vince McMahon knew something that many in this business did not.
Russo was good at what he did. But he was NOT irreplaceable.
Second, Russo is NOT going to be permitted to present the type of product he did in the WWF. Billionaire Ted might just look askance at cursing on the mike, beating up women, drunkenness, and the incredibly degrading sexual content that has been a staple of Russo's scripts for the past few years.
I don't think Hanoi Jane is going to appreciate any more of Randy Savage backhanding one of his babes on Nitro either. Or the makeup girl getting her legs snapped by Ric Flair in the dressing room.
Vince Russo likes to call his concept "Crash TV".
It is NOT Crash TV. It is indeed "TRASH TV"- and it will NOT get over with the suits in Atlanta!
Third, it's a different locker room. In the WWF Vince Russo was Vince McMahon's boy. McMahon runs the show in the WWF.
Who runs the show in WCW? Hulk Hogan? Sting? Randy Savage? Kevin Nash? I think Vince Russo is going to find that he is going to have to be more than one man's bitch if he wants to get his latest TV script over!
Again in many ways it was a good signing for WCW. But just like Chris Jericho is not exactly setting the world on fire in the WWF, I will say it again: WITH VINCE RUSSO THERE ARE NO GUARATNEES!!!!
I can't believe I've never touched on this before, but after watching Jim Ross in a wrestling match, I'll touch on this now:
ANNOUNCERS SHOULD NEVER, EVER BE PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY ASSAULTED BY WRESTLERS!!!!
The play by play announcer's job is to get over the product to the fan. In order to do that, he MUST have credibility.
How the hell can you have credibility when you get beat up by a wrestler in the ring? Or have the Rock humiliate you in an interview?
As much as a joke Gene Oekerlund has become, he STILL has credibility with the fans because even the heels do not threaten or insult him. And when they do, Mean Gene gives it right back to them.
Gordon Solie was never attacked by a wrestler. Neither was Lance Russell. Wrestlers in famous angles menaced them both, but other wrestlers heel or face made the save. I remember an interview where Bob Caudle insulted Ric Flair. Flair did not punch out Caudle. He did not put him in a figure four. He did not throw him in a shower. He did not even insult Caudle back.
Because in the good old days there was a "line" that was not crossed to maintain the announcers credibility, Flair calmly stated that he and Caudle would no longer be FRIENDS, and continued with his heel promo.
Now I know some smark is going to email me with an angle in Texas somewhere where Abdullah the Butcher stuck a fork in Mark Lorance's forehead or something obscure like that, and I know Nikita Koloff sickled David Crockett, but let's face it: if there ever WAS an announcer getting attacked on TV, it was very, VERY rare.
But now in 1999 the job of the announcer is that of the buffoon, the wimp, the geek, constantly being treated like the wrestler's punching bag by being physically assaulted and humiliated.
On top of that, according to Vince Russo, Vince McMahon stands in the back with a headset during most of Raw. He feeds Jim Ross and Michael Cole lines and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICSIM during the show!
Man, being a WWF announcer must SUCK. Not only do you have to put up with being made to look like a horse's ass by HHH and the Rock in front of 7 million people, but you have to sit there on pins and needles the whole show waiting for Vince to give you his approval!!!
Vince, be careful. One day, Michael Cole is going to show up at Titan Towers dressed in camaflouge and start blowing off nuggets all over the third floor.
This has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling. But earlier this week it was reported that U.N. officials confirmed that the 6 billionth person in the world was born in Sarajevo, Bosnia a few days ago.
Here's my problem with this: I would have to estimate that every day there are millions of children being born. There is no way you can guarantee that with all the untraceable births of Third World babies, crack babies, and Chinese babies, ABSOLUTLEY NO WAY you can guarantee that THIS baby was #6,000,000,000!!!!!
Which joker at the U.N. came up with THIS crap?
My message to the United Nations is this: your job is to keep Indonesians from carving up innocent Timorese civilians; keeping Yugoslavians from exterminating each other; and to feed hungry people.
The last thing you should be doing right now is trying to convince ME that you know EXACTLY who the 6 billionth baby in the world is!!!! I will be willing to bet $6 BILLION DOLLARS that this baby is NOT the 6 billionth person in the world! I'm sure you missed some OTHER of the MILLION births SOMEWHERE in the world.
About 1-2 million DEATHS certainly had to throw that number off too! So I think the odds are good that I will NOT be shelling out any shekels on that wager any time soon!!
Give me a break.
I hate to pile on the WWF so much this week, but that's how it goes.
Word we get is that the fabulous Moolah will NOT win the WWF Woman's title from Ivory at No Mercy because, as one of our reporters put it, Moolah cannot "work at a credible level."
GEE, DO YOU THINK??????
Not only can Moolah not work at a credible level, SHE CANNOT WALK AT A CREDIBLE LEVEL!!!!
As I said last week, I'm not here to rip the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young. I hope to be able to be strong enough to step into a ring at the age of 75, let alone go to the bathroom without the use of a colostomy bag! I certainly doubt a wus like me will be tough enough to actually WORK a match at their age though.
But the bottom line is this- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! It was funny ONE TIME!!!
But the sight of that scary Mae Young walking out with a crown this past Monday night makes me think that some sicko in the WWF actually thinks they can make this program work!
Warning to the WWF: STOP IT NOW. Or I am going to relay five words that only long time readers of PWBTS will get:
Don't make me do it, WWF. But if you do, lets just say that Ivory might have a chance to make a few bucks!!!
Frontier Martial Arts Wrestling used to be the coolest promotion on earth. Remember those great classics where Atsushi Onita would get sliced up like a Thanksgiving turkey by Mr. Pogo, then get blown to bits in an electrified exploding steel cage match? With a beer and a bloody rare steak on my TV tray, I used to watch those tapes for hours!
But that was then. Today, FMW has become Asia's version of Incredibly Strange Wrestling.
Last week we updated you on the story of Kodo Fuyuki, who saw it fit to tie up the President of FMW and URINATE ON HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING.
But apparently that was not enough. This week we have learned that Gedo will face Flying Kid Ichihara in a handicap match on October 29. Ichiharas' tag team partners?
Chocoball Mukai and Sena Wakana.
Chocoball Mukai and Sena Wakana, JAPANESE PORN STARS.
That's real nice, FMW.
I'm sorry, but PORN STARS DO NOT BELONG IN THE WRESTLING BUSINESS. I know I know we had Jenna Jamesom and some other slut make appearances in ECW; Chastity of WCW has been in porn films.
But putting porn stars in a match is EVEN WORSE.
After all, if you are Gedo, do you really want to wrestle a woman whose fingers have touched 1000 penises?
Or how about Chocoball Mukai? God knows where CHOCO-BALL has been. You can probably get some STD just by LOOKING at this freak.
After the match, poor Gedo will have to bath in one of those Japanese hot baths for three hours just to get rid of the smell!!!!!
By the way, what kind of name is "CHOCOBALL" anyway? It certainly is NOT Japanese!
Let's see, CHOCO must be a reference to chocolate . . .
And as for "BALL" . . .
No. There's some lines even I won't cross!!!!!!!!!!!
"WRESTLING'S MOST BELOVED JOURNALIST
Dan Moreland is a columnist for Pro Wrestling's Between The Sheets - for comments or opposing viewpoints please e-mail to Dan Moreland