AS I SEE IT 1/15: Katie Vick...Shockmaster...and now Rosie vs. Donald
AS I SEE IT
Well, it wasn't Katie Vick.
Pro Wrestling: Between the Sheets
It wasn't Fake Razor and Diesel.
It wasn't Shockmaster.
But this past Monday night gave up this year's early favorite for the Wrestlecrap angle of the year: Fake Rosie and Fake Donald. Those are 10 minutes of my life I can't get back....and may require serious therapy to forget.
Mind you, I'm pleased that ROH's Ace Steele ("Donald") and NWA Virginia's Kiley McLean ("Rosie") got a payday. But making viewers watch that complete and utter abortion of an angle...fans who were diehard enough wrestling fans to be watching RAW and not the BCS Championship game... is beyond comprehension.
Kiley McLean did as good a job as she could do given Vince McMahon's childish attempts at satirizing Rosie O'Donnell with grade school fat jokes, an overdone New York accent, and every bad dyke-baiting joke they could come up with (including "Rosie" hitting on every female on the WWE locker room).
But, face it, if you give Meryl Streep a bad script, even she can't make it sound like Shakespeare.
Actually, this past Monday was more like a really bad third grade Christmas play.
Yes, I know that NBC Universal wanted a skit to promote Donald Trump's ratings-failing Apprentice
show which had its season premiere recently.
As for calling it a "Wrestlecrap" angle of the year, for those of you who aren't familiar with Wrestlecrap, it's a website that features the some of the most renowned and classic moments in wrestling suckdom. It's always good for some laughs.
Here are only a few of the moments that Wrestlecrap has been helpful(?) enough to remind us of:
UWF Champion and bigtime badass One Man Gang being made a black man named "Akeem' by Vince McMahon after a voodoo ceremony by Slick (who is real life is now, ironically, a Reverend... I wonder if he prayed for forgiveness for that one?).
At the WCW Capitol Combat PPV in 1990, the moment when Robocop...or an actor playing him (you do remember the cinematic classic called Robocop, don't you?) clanked down to the ring to save Sting (who'd been thrown in a cage) from the clutches of the evil Four Horsemen. Jim Ross was forced to call this crap on-air with a straight face.
Vince Russo's Viagra on a Pole Match
Barry Darsow's incarnation as a heel golfer. The original name of this short-lived WCW gimmick was "Stewart Pain."
The Gobbedlygooker. What else need be said?
Calgary wrestler Mike Shaw, better known as killer heel Makhan Singh; is transformed by Vince McMahon into Friar Ferguson, a holy water splashing monk. If that wasn't bad enough, he's then
made into Bastion Booger, and proceeds to belch, fart, and eat trash from a garbage can.
The Patterson-Brisco Evening Gown Match: There's probably no truth to the rumor that Steve Lombardi was backstage waiting to see the winner of the match with baited breath and chilled champagne.
He may have been the only one. Most of us needed a stiff drink (or ten) to forget it.
Papa Shango: A voodoo master who caused the Ultimate Warrior to puke on WWF television. Many thought that was rather ironic, since the Warrior has been known to have an emetic effect himself from his promos, let alone his recent pseudo-conservative drivel.
I'd be curious to hear your favorite "Wrestlecrap" moments. E-mail me some of your favorite (or least favorite) moments at firstname.lastname@example.org.
By the way, speaking of emetic moments; on the few minutes of this past week's WWECW show that I watched before turning the channel...I saw the only new star WWECW's helped make, CM Punk, putting over Bob Holly.
It seems Punk questioned his part in the Elimination Chamber match that was a part of what was the worst PPV of the year (and seems very likely to remain the choice this year), so Arn Anderson and Michael Hayes decided to take him down a peg.
Note to Vince McMahon and the two agents that are apparently responsible for slowing down Punk's' push, and deciding he "needed to be taught a lesson":
What in the %$#k are you thinking?
Vince, CM Punk is one of the few characters on WWE or WWECW that fans don't have to be embarrassed to say they enjoy. Oops, forgot...you didn't invent it so the character's automatically not worth as much...so it, and he, need to be thrown in your WWE blender and made indistinguishable mush that says "yes, sir, Mr. McMahon."
Yup, you didn't invent it. But you did invent moments like "Akeem, the African Dream", Polka-Dot Dusty, The Gobbedlygooker, Bastion Booger, and Papa Shango, though. Thanks to Wrestlecrap, we can remember your classic moments like that.
It's hard to say which made me reach for my Maalox more..."Rosie" and "Donald" or the supposed humbling of CM Punk.
Guess that's one wrestling show taken off of my VCR. Or buy more Maalox.
Until next time...
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