AS I SEE IT 3/27: Even more "lunchtime suicide"

Bob Magee
Pro Wrestling: Between the Sheets

Vince McMahon's online therapy sessions continue.

I'm not talking about his unique depictions of humiliation (the "Kiss my Ass" Club, most recently featuring Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels), or assorted forms of sexual hangups (the rejection of Mickie James by Trish Stratus...with James then turning on her, attacking her, and asking "Do you love me now?"). At least James is doing a good job at creating and acting out her character. But the next live Vince McMahon therapy session has not such merits.

I'm talking about the contination of the "Lunchtime Suicide" adventures of Tim White. Tim White, since he's "no longer a performer", has apparently not been entered in the brand-new WWE "Wellness Program".

In the latest installments of perverse humor deemed too offensive for even USA Network to air, three weeks back in yet ANOTHER edition of Tim White's so-called "Lunchtime Suicide", White attempted to suffocate himself via sitting in a car via carbon monoxide poisoning.

Then, two weeks ago, Josh Matthews was featured at a suicide hotline center (yep, real material for humor there). He called up White, who proceeds to wrap the phone cord around his neck to "choke himself". Matthews calls 911, who then puts him on hold. To add even more sick humor, the canned music while on 911 is John Cena's "Basic Thuganomics". Matthews sat by and listened to Cena's music, as White lies slumped over on the other side of the split screen. I suppose it's useless to ask, even within storyline logic; why the camera operator shooting the scene with White wouldn't get help for White or prevent him from "attempting suicide".

This past week, Tim White decided to stick his head in an industrial fan; with copious and gory amounts of stage blood splattering Josh Matthews after he "stuck his head in the fan". I want to see how they get out of this one next week.

I said a few columns ago that I feared a real suicide attempt would result in some kid imitating these skits.

Well, it's happened... sort of.

While it wasn't a case of a real imitation of a suicide attempt there's been the first public imitator of the Tim White skits. The You Tube video website had (until they removed the item at WWE's behest...or on grounds of bad taste) at this link a video of a kid saying he was "Tim White". The kid then pretended to choke himself with a rope.

Seemingly the minute that the video was mentioned on wrestling websites...the video was pulled by You Tube with the phrase "this video has been removed due to terms of use violation".

I do wonder what bothered You Tube and WWE more: that a kid mentioned a "copyrighted name of a WWE performer" (I've never figured out how you can copyright a proper name...not a character name like "Mr. Perfect"). Or was it that WWE would get some bad publicity that would have resulted from their own asinine angle that hasn't drawn dime one, has no possible value to the company or its stockholders...and seems designed merely for Vince McMahon to prove that he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants?

On a more pleasant note, East Coast Wrestling Association proudly presents a day of events featuring the 10th annual Super 8 Tournament on Saturday, April 8, at the Greater Newark Boys' & Girls' Club, located at 109 Glasgow Drive at US 40. The yearly Super Eight is a tournament that has spawned countless tournaments by independent tournaments across the United States. Jim Kettner will be presenting its tenth annual Super Eight tournament; dedicated to the memory of the late Jeff Peterson, former ECWA wrestler, who died in 2002 as the result of a 2 1/2 year battle with lymphoma.

The luncheon, taking place before the show on April 8, from 1:00-3:00 pm at the Greater Newark Boys' & Girls' Club (same venue as the show) will be hosted by legendary Four Horsemen manager JJ Dillon; with 1997 winner Ace Draling, 1998 winner Simon Diamond, 2000 and 2004 winner Christopher Daniels, 2001 Winner Low-Ki , 2002 Winner Donovan Morgan, and 2005 Winner
Petey Williams. The entire ECWA roster and this years' Super 8 Contestants will also be present at the lunch.

Curiously, 2003 Super 8 winner Paul London is not listed. It seems strange, even for WWE, that London isn't at the show; given the fact that WWE has historically had a good relationship with Jim Kettner, with Kettner serving as local promoter for shows at the Bob Carpenter Center in Newark, DE.

It's nice to see someone celebrating life, and celebrating the fun that wrestling's supposed to be; as opposed to macabre suicide storylines which don't even have the reasoning of advancing a storyline, as has been attempted with the use of Eddie Guerrero's death to advance the Rey Misterio/Randy Orton storyline.

Until next time...


If you have comments/questions, or if you'd like to add the AS I SEE IT column to your website, I can be reached by e-mail at